Can I Face Myself?

Can I face myself?

What will it mean if I look into my own eyes? That rage, that jealousy, oh no, that passion…!

It’s true…when you dig into your acting your humanity is revealed in all its wild colors, dark emotions and vivid illuminations. Protected only by a thin scrim, you reveal yourself in service of the art.

Those emotions we have learned to contain must be released by the actor. They are the fabric of our livelihood, the tapestry of our creations.

Actors weave and reweave, threading their own lives into the life of the character.

At The Cloisters in the northern tip of Manhattan a dark-paneled room is devoted to the medieval Unicorn Tapestries. The story of the hunt and killing of the unicorn is woven in fine wool and silk with silver and gilded threads.

The beauty draws you in, bating you to follow the story that shocks with its violence. The final tapestry is the unicorn’s resurrection—transformation.

The actor also weaves a tapestry by entering into each new story.

You begin as one of those threads and as you weave into its drama, the story becomes your story… its transformation is yours.

“But,” you say, “there are places I just can’t go to create my character!”

“I’m not that snotty, elitist arrogant woman…”
“I’m not that misogynistic, controlling man…”
“I’m not that crippled and wounded child…”

Well, yeah, not on a daily basis but there are moments… “What was that time I…?”

We’re taught, don’t act out, pull it together, don’t make a spectacle.

For actors there are different rules; you must fall in love with the whole thing—the complete package of you. Acting is thinning out the barrier between you and others by getting honest with your humanity.

What would it be like to be homeless, curled on the sidewalk over a subway grate for warmth, caked with grime in dirty clothes on the streets of New York City in February?

Or the mother of a son in Syria? Or a father who has chosen his young lover over his children? To be broken, to be found… to accept the Oscar for your portrayal?!

Through acting these human experiences become accessible to you, while becoming works of art for your audience.

I wonder, what tapestry awaits you?